One of the big pieces of news here, in my opinion, is that I have a new cat!  I should say that “we” (as a family) have a new cat, but I consider this one to be “my cat” and she stays in my office and in our bedroom, so she hangs out with me all day, so that’s it… she’s mine!  Here name is “Sputnik” or just “Sput” for short.  She’s pretty ugly.  In fact, she is so ugly that it’s cute!  If you know what I mean.  Anyway, Sputnik is a kitten, not very old at all, and she is quite playful.  Unfortunately, our other two cats hate Sputnik, and they even try to kill her!  We have to be very careful about making sure they don’t get together, unless closely supervised, because there will certainly be trouble!  That’s one of the reasons why the area where we keep Sputnik is limited to my office and the bedroom, to keep her away from her two enemies!

My new cat, Sputnik, playing in a cardboard box

Feyma with some Christmas Gifts we will give out

So, as I said previously, it’s been the holidays lately.  But, wait!  A few weeks ago I wrote about A New Holiday, right?  So, did I follow through and do what I had been thinking about?  No, I didn’t.  Feyma and I considered it, but in the spirit of the season, we decided to follow the normal holiday schedule.  I do think it is an excellent idea, though, but breaking traditions is not an easy thing to do, is it?  No indeed.  So, we followed the regular holiday schedule just like most everybody else did, and we had a very nice holiday.  It was nice having the kids home for a couple of weeks to enjoy the holidays as a family.  But, this week they are back to school, which is also nice!  I like having the kids around, but it is more peaceful here if they have school, which means that it is a more conducive atmosphere to getting some work done!  ha ha… I must confess that I like that too.

Another thing that I wrote about recently was the new coffee that I ordered recently, two different varieties, both originiting from the Nyeri region of Kenya.  Well, I am happy to report that both coffees are really excellent.  I have been enjoying them emensely.  I just finished having a cup of the Nyeri Tambaya coffee.  It’s really good, with a tangerine taste to it.  But, the one that kind of surprised me was the Ndiani Kyagundo decaf.  It was my first time to try a decaf, and I was a bit hesitant to try it, given the advice of a friend.  But, to my surprise, I like it even more than the Tambaya!  The decaf has a very strong flavor of strawberries, which I love!  I sent a sample of this to my friend who advised against it.  He didn’t even want any, but I forced him to try it.  And, he loves it too!  So, the decaf is really a nice bean, and I think I’ll be ordering more, as I only have about 3 1/2 pounds of it left. After roasting that, it will easily go down to about 2 3/4 pounds (it gets lighter when you roast the moisture out of it), so I will be needing more of this wonderful bean!

What else is going on?  Well, I just got back from a nice morning walk.  It’s been very hot here in Davao recently, but this morning was pleasantly cool.  Not cold, but not hot either, just cool.  So, I enjoyed a nice walk around the neighborhood.  It’s a nice bit of exercise, and also gives you a chance to see what’s happening in the neighborhood.  There is a lot of construction going on around here.  Plenty of new houses going up around the neighborhood.  That’s a good sign, but also bad.  Good because it shows that more people are appreciating this area, and it makes the neighborhood look nicer to have new homes being built.  Bad because it will increase the amount of traffic in the neighborhood, which is already bad!  Oh well… not much I can do about it anyway, so I might as well look at the good side!

I hope that all of you who are reading this had a nice holiday season, no matter which holidays you celebrate around this time of year!

The other day, though, I got thinking about safety in the Philippines from a completely different angle than I ever had before.  The more I thought about it, the more I realized something that may well be quite surprising to many readers.  I’ll reveal what that is a bit later in this article.

When it comes to family - Safety and Security are Important Concerns!

I have been living in the Philippines for more than 10 years now, as regular readers know well.  Before that, I spent another 10+ years visiting the Philippines on a regular basis.  In all that time, I can recall only a couple of times that I felt a bit unsafe here, and those times did not even feel too serious or life threatening to me.  And, I have been to a lot of places that many people would consider “very dangerous” or even “no-go zones” as many of you know.  About the worst feeling I have had in the past 20 years, as far as safety goes, was for just a few minutes when I was in Tawi Tawi, a group of about 100 Islands in the Sulu Sea off of Mindanao.  I was standing on a pier taking some pictures, and a man came up to me and told me I should leave Tawi Tawi, because I was not welcome there.  Well, Tawi Tawi is reputed to be a terrorist hangout, and this was the only incident I had where I felt a bit unsafe there, and this fellow actually seemed to be a bit mentally unstable to me.  Nothing happened.

Last week, something happened that made me think, though.  It happened here on LiP.  Some of you may have noticed something, most of you probably did not.  In the comments on an article I wrote, which was published last Friday, one fellow started saying some things to me that seemed a bit “off the wall.”  I left his first few comments in place, but he actually went on to try to post about 50 more comments.  The additional comments started out with more “off the wall” type stuff, and got progressively more angry, and actually went on to this fellow making threats of violence against me and my family.  He went on to start sending me messages on Facebook that were violent in nature.  Next, he started posting notes on Feyma’s Fecebook Wall (they have been removed) which threatened violence against Feyma, our kids and myself.  This fellow had been a “friend” of mine on Facebook for sometime.  He is a white American, and lives in the USA, if his Facebook information is correct.  I mean he has pictures there of himself and his family.

This fellow appeared to be ready to "Go Postal"

Feyma and I analyzed this, because we really could not figure out anything that I said to the guy or did to make the fellow angry.  In fact, when the fellow made a comment here on LiP, I only said to him that I did not understand what he was talking about.  I thought that perhaps he had written something incorrectly, and I was hoping he would clarify, so I could understand.  He came back in a way that suggested he was crazy!  As we looked at his many messages that he sent to both Feyma and I, we came to the conclusion that he was upset because he badly wanted to live in the Philippines, but was unable to make his dream come true, because of finances.  I believe he was upset and jealous because I lived here, but he could not.  I feel sorry for him, but it’s not my fault that he is currently unable to live his dream.

Over the past couple of years, I have experienced this kind of thing about 5 or 6 times from readers of my websites.  As I recall, I have gotten threats from here on LiP mostly, but also once or twice on Mindanao Magazine.  In all my years of publishing information on the Internet, I do not recall ever having been threatened by a Filipino, though.  Somehow, the people who go crazy and start posting threats like this have always been foreigners.  Makes you stop and think, doesn’t it?  The foreigners are always worried about “safety issues in the Philippines” but my experience has only been with safety issues from other foreigners.  Hmm.

Well, after the incident last week, Feyma and I talked about it.  While we were not really very worried for our immediate safety, we did come to the conclusion that it is time for us to take our family’s safety into more consideration when it comes to our Internet presence.  In the past, we have been very open about publishing things like where we live and such.  In fact, if you read through enough posts on LiP, I am sure that you could put together enough information that you could probably find my house in Davao very easily.  It would not take a genius to do that.  As regular readers know, Feyma and I will be moving soon to a new location in Davao.  We have decided that it is in our best interest, security wise, that we do not disclose information about the exact location of where our residence will be.  We will be living in Davao, but beyond that, we will not say more.  We will not even post pictures of the outside of our house on the Internet, because that would make it too identifiable.

It’s not Filipinos that I worry about… it’s deranged Foreigners!  Strange, isn’t it?

For example, if you come from the USA to visit family in the Philippines (or close friends) you are kind of expected to bring something that is “from the USA” to share with your loved ones when you arrive.  Same thing if you were to come from Europe, Australia or wherever.  In fact, if you live in the Philippines and let’s say you needed to travel to Manila or Cebu to take care of some business, when you return to your home, people will be expecting pasalubong, or a travel gift.

A lot of times, I get e-mails from people telling me that they are coming to the Philippines for the first time.  They are coming to visit a girl that they have come to know on the Internet, or for business, or for whatever reason.  They ask me what they should bring as a gift for somebody that they are close to.  Well, of course it varies, but I’ll give you a few ideas.

Tylenol makes a good pasalubong

I can remember the first time that I came to the Philippines, which was in July 1990.  There really was no publicly used Internet at that time (although the government and military used the Internet already), so I had nobody to really ask what I should bring as gifts, I was in the dark, although I felt it was appropriate to bring a gift for my girlfriend (Feyma) and her family.  It just seemed like the right thing to do.  I was really unsure, though, what would be appropriate.  I was living in Washington State at the time, right on the border with Oregon (near Portland).  One of the first things I decided upon as a gift was a coffee table book which was a photo book of the Pacific Northwest.  It was quite a beautiful, and expensive book, and I thought it would be a nice way to show off the area where I lived.  I also brought other gifts that kind of showed off my local area, things like Seattle Mariner’s baseball caps, shirts that said “Seattle” or “Portland” on them and that kind of thing.  All of these kinds of gifts were greatly appreciated, and made a good impression on my in-laws to be.

Towels

Of course, all through the 90′s, we made a number of trips to the Philippines to visit Feyma’s family, and we always brought pasalubong when we came.  After we were married, though, I let Feyma worry about what the right gift was, I figured she would be better at knowing what would be most appreciated.

Over the years of living here in the Philippines, though, I have come to know what I appreciate receiving from people who come to visit.  While I don’t “expect” people to bring me anything, it is always a nice gesture.  I want to make it clear that I am not asking anybody to bring any of the things I mention, I am mainly just telling you the kinds of things that I, and other expats I know appreciate, because I get the question pretty regularly from people wanting to know what they should bring for friends and family here.

One of the reasons that I decided to write this article is because a friend came to visit us a few weeks ago, and the gift that he brought was highly appreciated.  I had actually never met this fellow in person before, but I knew him from his participation on this site.  Anyway, when we met, my friend pulled out a bag and gave it to me and said it was for Feyma and I.  He brought four gifts, actually, and all were quite useful.  First thing I pulled out of the bag was a bottle of Excedrin pain reliever – not just any bottle, but the super big Industrial Sized bottle with like 1,000 capsules in it!  Wow.  It was funny, because earlier the same day, Feyma and I had been talking that we were out of such a pain reliever, and that we needed to order something from the States.  There are such pain relievers available here, but they are only available “by the piece,” not in a big 1,000 piece size.  By the piece, also, they are much more expensive here, and also the biggest problem is that the pain relievers like this here seem to be not very effective compared to what you can get abroad.  Second thing I pulled from my friend’s package was a bottle of Excedrin PM.  He explained that he wanted to give us something for daytime or nighttime!  Next, I found that he had given me two of the long lighters that you can use to light a candle or a BBQ grill.  You know, the long metal thing with a plastic handle, with a trigger that you pull to make it light a flame?  I don’t know exactly what to call it, but I have never seen anything like that here, and even the matches here are of poor quality so this was greatly appreciated.  In fact, we use the “lighter sticks” every single day!  So, these gifts, while just simple every day things were greatly appreciated.

Another time, a few years ago, a friend from Canada brought me some black licorice.  He knew, because I had once written, that licorice was a favorite of mine, and something that is quite difficult to find here, or it was at that time.  Now, it is more available than it was at that time.

Towels are always appreciated here, because the towels here are of very poor quality, and usually are not even absorbent of water!  It’s like you wipe your body with the towel and it only smears the water around, but doesn’t soak any up.  So, I have brought towels over here in the past for friends, and they were always loved, and very well received.

So, if you are coming over and want to share a small gift with friends or family, these are the kinds of things that are always appreciated.  Something local from your area is always a nice touch that would be highly valued.  Think about it and you can find something unique, or an everyday thing that just is not available for purchase here!

Over the past few years, I have become very close with one of my nieces.  Her name is Nicole, and she is 6 years old, or as she would say “mag 7″ (translated… will be 7) in January.  Nicole is really a cute and sweet girl, and I love her very much.  I am a sucker for kids anyway, but there is something special about Nicole.  When she was much younger, I was not that close to her, as I already lived in Davao when she was born, and we just didn’t know each other well.  A few years ago, Nicole came to visit Davao with her Mother (Feyma’s sister, Sally), and I started noticing her a little more.

Bob & Nicole at a family wedding last year

When Nicole was approaching her 4th birthday, she came to our house during Christmas, and celebrated the holiday with us.  During this time, Nicole took a real liking to me, and it was at that time that she started calling me “Daddy” instead of “Uncle”.  I was OK with that, in fact I liked it.  On her birthday that year, just 2 weeks after Christmas, Feyma and I decided to buy her a bicycle, something that she would never own unless we bought it, because her family cannot afford such a luxury.  Well, it was not expensive, and the look of thrill on Nicole’s face was well worth the small price of the bicycle.

Nicole climbing on a small statue at the Davao Crocodile Park

It was over that Christmas and birthday that really sealed the relationship between Nicole and I.  Ever since then, she has been coming to visit us often, whenever there is a break from school.  Every year since then she has spent Christmas with us, and she also usually spends the majority of her summer vacation with us as well.

Over the years, Feyma and I have talked between each other about the possibility of having Nicole come to live with us, and making her part of the family.  We always said “No” in the end, though.  Feyma and I have been there and done that… we have 4 kids who are all growing up, and we just felt that we were unwilling to extend our child raising years beyond the age of our youngest son, Jared.  Taking in Nicole would add about 4 more years after Jared.  I love my kids very much, but there also comes a time when you are starting to get older, and you start looking forward to the day when you and your wife can begin to enjoy life without kids.  I’ve been married to Feyma for more than 20 years now, but our life is so wrapped around the kids that I do look forward to spending more quality time with each other.  So, because of this reason, we have always ended up with the answer that we loved Nicole a lot, but we were not prepared to take her into the family.

A big family... and possibly growing!

One thing that we noticed is that every time that Nicole comes to Davao to spend time with us, she is sick.  She has a fever, runny nose, or something more serious.  About 2 weeks ago, it was Semester break, and the November 1 and 2 holidays here in the Philippines, so Nicole came to Davao to spend a week with us.  When she arrived she was very sick.  She had a high fever, and a bad cut on her foot which was badly infected.  She could hardly walk, and with the fever she had no strength to do anything other than just laying around the house.  Feyma spent about an hour cleaning up the wound on Nicole’s foot, and by the next day you could see a big difference in the way Nicole was feeling.  She was getting her strength back, and the infection in her foot was clearing up.  Her fever was about gone too.

I mentioned to Feyma that Nicole seemed to have a problem with always being sick, and that I felt it was caused by the environment where she lived.  Feyma agreed.  It was at that time that I told Feyma… “you know, I love Nicole a lot, and I am really struggling over the question of what we should do to help her.  We have talked about this before, and we have always agreed, but I am feeling that we should let her come and live with us.  If something happened to her because of her health, I would really blame myself for being selfish and not helping her.”  I was surprised when Feyma told me that she had been thinking the same thing.  So, Feyma and I talked it over, and we decided that we wanted to ask Nicole’s parents if we could take her in.  We decided, though, that we would wait until after school finishes in March before we talk to her parents about it.

Our daughter, Jean, who is really our niece has been living with us for 7 years now.  In every way, I consider her my daughter, and I am very close to her.  In my mind, she is equal to our boys in every way.  There was a time in the past when Jean was jealous of Nicole, and she even told me that she was scared that Nicole would “replace her”  in our family.  Jean even told me several years ago that she thought I would send her home, and take in Nicole instead.  Jean and I are very, very close, and she feels comfortable talking to me about just about any topic.  When it comes to things like boys and such (who she has a crush on at school and such) Jean will openly talk to me about it, probably more than she is willing to talk to anybody else.  I could never “replace” Jean, nor would I even want to.  I told her this many times over the years.

So, when Feyma and I came to the conclusion that we might want to bring in Nicole, I wanted to talk to Jean about it and see how she felt.  I was surprised to see that she was not just OK with it, but she was actually excited.  I could see that Jean had matured enough that she understood that Nicole would not replace her, but really just enhance our lives, and that such a move would be good for Nicole’s health too.   Jean had also noticed that Nicole was sick every time she came to visit us.  Jean was looking forward to being the “big sister” to a younger girl, and I was so proud of her for her new attitude.  Our boys are also very happy with the potential for an additional little sister.

So, the question came down to the title of this article.  How far am I willing to go for somebody that I love?  And, the same question for Feyma.  Are we willing to sacrifice a few conveniences, and delay our quality time together?  Yeah, I think we are.  Having another child in the house will make for quality time of a different kind anyway.  When Nicole’s mother, Sally, came to Davao to pick up Nicole the other day, Feyma hinted to her a bit about such a move, and Sally was agreeable it seemed.  We have not told her that we want to do it, but I am sure she suspects it.  Giving up a child like that would be very difficult to do, even if you knew that it was a step toward a better life for the child.  However, such an action is actually pretty common here in the Philippines.

It is possible that this won’t happen, but that, I think, is only a tiny possibility.  I suspect that come March or April 2011, there will be another head in the Martin household.

Aaron is 14 years old.  He is a second year High School student at Ateneo de Davao University here in Davao City.

Aaron was just 3 years old when we moved to the Philippines, but he still has memories of living in the United States, though.

Aaron Martin, "AJ"

Recently, Aaron has expressed an interest to me that he wishes to get involved in doing things on the Internet after he finishes school.  He has an interest in IT (Information Technology), and seems to be showing an interest in getting involved in Internet Publishing when he is older, perhaps becoming involved in businesses similar in nature to what I do for a living.  In order to encourage AJ, and help him get a head start on learning the business, I asked him to join us here on LiP as a writer. He will write on topics of what it is like to be a teenager in the Philippines.

I would like to welcome AJ to LiP, and I hope that all LiP readers will welcome him to the site as well.  I hope this is a learning experience for AJ, and also a chance for LiP readers to view life in the Philippines through the eyes of a young man in his formative years.

AJ’s first article will be appearing here on LiP later today.

Welcome aboard, son!